Temari' Musical Love Life
by fandidot
Summary: -Sequel to Matchmaker- Yep, so Temari struggles with her feelings for Shikamaru and it doesn't help that her friends feel like helping by singing Disney songs! PS: Probably doesn't have as much humor as my other two stories.
1. Temari wont say she's got it fucking BAD

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, the show would actually make sense. (Just Kidding!)**

**Temari's POV:**

I sat on the brink of the dock, pondering over the events of my trip to Konoha. Nothing exciting, other than the fact that there was a food fight at the wedding. Wait, there **was** the matchmaking thing with Tenten and Kankuro. They had formed a kind of strong love/hate thing. They didn't go out or anything, but for any annual thing (Such as a dance) they would go together.

Well… I have **kinda **been forming a little crush on Shikamaru… Damn him. I'm Sabaku no Temari for crying out loud! I don't form crushes! Then, Ino, Hinata, and Tenten appeared and started singing!

_*Gaara, Kankuro, Neji, and Chouji in back round with instruments*_

_Ino, Hinata, and Tenten: No chance, no way~ I won't say it, no no!_

_Temari: If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that~ No man is worth the aggravation! That's ancient history - been there, done that._

_Ino, Hinata, and Tenten: Who'd ya think you're kiddin, he's the earth and heaven to ya, try to keep it hidden, honey we can see right through ya! Girl ya can't conceal it, we know how you're feelin, who you're thinkin of~_

_Temari: No chance, no way, I won't say it, no no~_

_Hinata: Ya swoon, ya sigh, why deny it uh-oh_

_Temari: It's too cliché, I won't say I'm in love~_

_(Shoo-do Shoo-do oo~)_

Temar_i: I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out. My head is screaming "Get a grip, girl, unless you're dying to cry your heart out"_

Ino_: You keep on denying who you are and how you're feeling,_

_Tenten: Baby we're not buying, _

_Hinata: hon we saw ya hit the ceiling, _

_Ino: face it like a grown up, when ya gonna own up that ya got,_

Tenten_: got,_

Hinata_: got it bad!_

Temari_: No chance, no way! I won't say it, no no!_

Tenten_: Give up, give in! Check the grin, you're in love~_

_Temari: This scene won't play, I won't say I won't say I'm in love~_

Tenten, Ino, and Hinata: You're doin flips, read our lips, you're in love!

_Temari: You're way off base, I won't say it! Get off my case, I won't say it!_

_Hinata, Ino, and Tenten: Girl don't be proud, it's okay, you're in love~_

_Temari: At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love~_

As we finished the song, I saw Gaara and Kankuro leave there instruments and come over.

"Temari, tell us who the boy is and we'll kill him. Without pain, of course", Kankuro said. I sweat dropped.

"Thanks Kankuro, but I think I'll pass." I walked over to the other girls.

"Why the hell did you guys do that anyways?"

"Well, the title **IS** "Temari's Musical Love Life", and when you think about it, all of these stories have a center of their jokes", Tenten answered. "Plus, we've seen you around Shikamaru."

"Wait, the other stories have jokes centered around them?"

"Yep, Hinata's Secret Admirer was based on making fun of the actual anime, and Matchmaker was centered around breaking the third wall."

"Oh…"

"Well, we decided to help you with your dilemma!", Ino shouted.

"I don't have one!", I snapped back.

"Do we need to go through another round of singing Disney songs?"

"Ok, fine"

"But first", Hinata said. "You have to admit it to yourself"

"I can't!"

"Oh yes you fucking will", Tenten snapped.

"Okay! I-I-I l-love Shikamaru. There, happy?"

"Very, we will begin executing the plan tomorrow", she said.

"And what will we be doing tomorrow? And if you're about to do a 'Pinky and the Brain' reference, so help me, I'll-"

"I don't have a plan yet, but we're starting tomorrow because Hinata has a meeting to attend tonight. She has to look good, and we're doing her makeup. Wanna help?"

"Sure, I have nothing better to do." And we began walking towards her house- er… mansion.

"Say guys, have you noticed that lately Sakura has been drifting from our group and hanging out with the more slutty ninja?"

"The hell? I guess our group is down to four then", Ino said forlornly.

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**That's it for this chapter! The song used was "I Won't Say I'm In Love" from Hercules.**

**-Please Review-**


	2. For the last time Im not gettin married!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

As they were walking home, Hinata got a little side tracked. And in by a little, I mean she saw a puppy tied to rail road tracks, with a train speeding in its direction, and the driver was drunk so the passengers were at risk, and all that other crap. Running towards the tracks, she grabbed the puppy, then hopped on the train and pried one of the doors open so she could carry the passengers out. Why the hell did they even let the driver get dunk?! After she got the last person, she hopped in and dragged out the conductor before the train ran off the edge of a cliff. Wow… why the HELL do the tracks run off a cliff?!

"Thank you child, as a token of my thanks, you can have this", an old woman said, handing her a lollipop. 'How old does she think I am, six?!', I thought, as I ran back towards where my friends were waiting.

_*Gaara, Kankuro, Neji, and Chouji with instruments… again*_

_Hinata: I'm here! …what? I had to save twenty six people from their icy deaths!_

_Ami: None of your excuses, we have to get you ready!_

_Hinata: …bitch. (Why is she even here?!)_

_Temari: Get the hell out of here, Ami._

_Ino: This is what you give me to work with? Well, honey, I've seen worse. We're gonna turn this sows ear (Pushes Hinata into tub) into a silk purse!_

_Hinata: GAH! IT'S FUCKING COLD!_

_Temari: Well… we got it from the lake… eh-heh-heh…_

_Ino: We'll have you washed and dried, primped and polished 'till you glow with pride! Just my recipe for instant bride! You'll bring honor to us all!_

_Hinata: But… I'm not getting married…._

_Temari: Hinata, what's this? (Lifts Hinata's wrist)_

_Hinata: Umm… Notes in case I forget what to say…_

_Tenten: Hold this (Hands fox cub to Temari) She'll need more luck than I thought!_

_Ino: Wait and see, when we're through, boys will gladly go to war for you! With good fortune-_

_Kin: And a great hairdo!_

_Kin, Tenten, Temari, and Ino: You'll bring honor to us all!_

_Random villagers: A girl can bring her family great honor in one way, by striking a good match, and this could be the day!_

_Ino: Men want girls with good taste_

_Kin: calm_

_Temari: Obedient_

_Tenten: Who work with fast pace!_

_Hinata: Seriously guys, I'm not getting fucking married!!!_

_Ino: With good breeding_

_Kin: And a tiny waist_

_Kin, Ino, Temari, and Tenten: You'll bring honor to us all!_

_Random villagers: We all must serve our emperor, who guards us from the Huns, a man by bearing arms, a girl by bearing sons!_

_Hinata: That's it, I'm giving up on these people_

_Tenten: When we're through, you can't fail! Like a lotus blossom, soft and palm. How could any fellow say "No Sale"? You'll bring honor to us all!_

_Temari: There, you're ready._

_Tenten: Not yet!_

_An apple in case you get hungry during that boring ass meeting,_

_A pendant for balance,_

_Beads of jade for beauty, You must proudly show it,_

_Now add a cricket, just for luck,_

_Hinata: You get that thing anywhere near me and I swear to god you won't wake up in the morning._

_Tenten: And even you can't blow it!_

_Hinata: Ancestors! Hear my Plea! Help me not to make a fool of me, and to not uproot my family tree, keep my father standing tall._

_Random Hyuuga girls: Scarier than our undertaker, we are meeting our matchmaker!_

_Hyuuga parents: destiny, guard our girls, and our future as it fast unfurls, please look kindly on these cultured pearls, each a perfect porcelain doll!_

_Hinata: (Under breath) Do you even KNOW who I am?_

_Random girls: Please bring honor to us_

_Please bring honor to us_

_Please bring honor to us_

_Please bring honor to us_

_Pleases bring honor to us_

_Hinata: I don't really give a crap_

_Random girls: all!_

I disappeared behind the big doors to the meeting hall.

**20 minutes later:**

**CRASH! BOOM!** Temari looked up from where she was anxiously pacing at the Hyuuga meeting hall, then out came running Hinata with Hanabi and Neji.

"What the hell happened?!", Temari asked.

"The freaking fox you slipped in my yukata decided to make a grand entrance and Hanabi and Neji had to help me escape!"

"… blame Tenten!"

"TENTEN", Hanabi, Neji, and Hinata all screamed at once, and bolted toward her.

"OH CRAP!", She shouted, and ran to her house.

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**Before you get all flame-y and go: OMG why do you hate Mulan?! Well, I do love Mulan and that song, but I guessed I should put some humor in. The song I used was "Bring Honor to us All" from Mulan.**

**-Please Review-**


	3. Kankuro, you sneaky bastard

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Disney, or a life… I mean… ah forget it**

Hiding from Neji, Hanabi, and Hinata, Tenten sat at the edge of the dock Temari had been previously sitting at. The pond was surrounded by thick wood, and it was midnight. Moonlight shone on the pond's waters, and Kankuro decided to sit next to her. He wasn't wearing his usual outfit, he instead wore a black T-shirt and shorts, with no face paint or hood. Neji, along with Lee, were looking for her. Not for revenge, but because she had a mission with them early in the morning. They saw her with Kankuro, and observed for a little while.

_*Gaara, Temari, Hanabi, and Chouji with instruments*_

_Neji: I tell ya, Lee, this stinks!_

_Lee: …I didn't do anything, YOSH!_

_Neji: Not you, them! Him, her, alone!_

_Lee: …They're not gonna masturbate, if that's what you're thinking. YOSH!_

_Neji: I can see what's happening!_

_Lee: What!?_

_Neji : And they don't have a clue!_

_Lee: I'm getting youthfully ignored, aren't I?_

_Neji: They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line, our trio's down to two!_

_Lee: But you're dating the youthful Ami and that didn't stop us._

_Neji: Ze sweet caress of twighlight! There's magic everywhere! And with all this romantic atmosphere, disaster's in the air._

_Tenten: Can you feel the love tonight?_

_Kankuro: …If you give me a clue as to what it feels like._

_Tenten: The peace, the evening grace. The world for us, in perfect harmony with all its living things._

_Kankuro: So many things to tell her, but how to make her see? The truth about my past (Lol, chocolate and toothpaste). Impossible. She'd turn away from me. _

_Tenten: He's holding back, he's hiding, from what I can't decide. Why won't he be the uhhh… I don't think he's really much of a king… more like a five year old with dolls…_

_Neji, Lee, Tenten, and Kankuro: Can you feel the love tonight? (Kankuro pushes Tenten into lake)_

_Tenten: KANKURO, YOU BASTARD!_

_Neji, Lee, and Kankuro: The peace, the evening grace. (Tenten grabs Kankuro and drags him under. MUAHAHAHAHA)_

_Tenten: The world for once, in perfect harmony *snicker* with all its living things._

Tenten then proceeded to dunk Kankuro under the water.

"Take that, bitch! Can ya feel the fucking love tonight?!" After about… 5 minutes, she decided it was enough and dragged him out of the water. Looking back at him, she noticed his breathing was short and ragged. _Cool, I murdered someone! …oh wait a minute… CRAP! I am soooo going to get charged for this! _She thought frantically. How to resurrect… oh you've gotta be freaking kidding me. Seriously, this is either a really cheesy romance story or a bad horror movie! In Tenten's case, the latter of the two. _Well… is this even worse than jail?, _She thought. _OH HELL YES IT IS! Well… here goes nothing._ She said, as she pinched his nose and placed her lips over his._ Yep, definitely a BAD horror movie._ She then heard something weird. It was… snickering? Stopping what she was doing she picked herself up and looked at Kankuro.

"Jeez, if you wanted to kiss me **THAT** much you could've just asked", He snickered.

"KANKURO, YOU PERVERTED BASTARD!", she screamed, as she grabbed her weapons scroll.

"No fair, I don't have my puppets!"

"SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE PLAYING IDIOT!"

_*Gaara, Temari, Hanabi, and Chouji with instruments*_

_Neji: And if she falls in love tonight, it can be assumed._

_Lee: Her carefree days with us are history,_

_Lee and Neji: in short our pal is doomed_

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**I know I cut off some of the song… The song is "Can You Feel The Love Tonight", from The Lion King**

**-please review-**


	4. You Won't Make A Man Out Of Ino!

**(A/N I know Temari hasn't done anything with Shikamaru yet, but please be patient. That should happen in the next chapter)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

Ino was walking down the streets of Konoha, wondering why she was different from most people. She was probably the weirdest one of them all! She had platinum blonde hair and sky blue eyes. Suddenly, she saw Kakashi, Shikamaru, Sai, and Naruto. Bored, she decided to train with them

*Neji, Gaara, Kankuro, and Neji with instruments*

_Kakashi: We've got a long way to go. Let's get down to business! To defeat Iwa (Iwagakure). Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons? _

_Ino: But girls are allowed to be ninjas!_

_Kakashi: You're the saddest bunch I ever met, but you can bet before we're through, mister I'll make a man out of you._

_Ino: But I'm a girl, ya freakin sexist pig!_

_Kakashi: Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within. Once you find your center, you are sure to win. You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot. And you haven't got a clue. Somehow I'll make a man out of you._

_Shikamaru: I'm never gonna catch my breath!_

_Naruto: Say good bye to those who knew me!_

_Sai: Boy was I a fool in school for cutting gym!_

_Hinata: This guy's got 'em scared to death!_

_Ino: …no he doesn't. He's just talking trash about us._

_Shikamaru: Now I really wish I knew how to swim!_

_Ino: Why? We aren't anywhere near water!_

_Shikamaru: oops!_

_(Be a man)_

_Kakashi: We must be swift as the coursing river._

_(Be a man)_

_Kakashi: With all the force of a great typhoon_

_(Be a man)_

_Kakashi: With all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon! Time is racing toward us till the Huns arrive. Heed my every order and you might survive, you're not suited for the rage of war, so pack up, go home, you're through. How could I make a man out of you?_

_Ino: Dude, it was just training!_

_(Be a man)_

_Kakashi: We must be swift as the coursing river._

_(Be a man)_

_Kakashi: With all the force of a great typhoon_

_(Be a man)_

_Kakashi: With all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon!_

"Congratulations everyone, I think you are ready to go to war with Iwa", Kakashi said.

"Kakashi… for the millionth time there is no damn war! IT WAS FUCKING TRAINING!!!"

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**Yeah I know, short chapter… Song used "I'll Make A Man Out Of You" from Mulan.**

**-Please Review-**


	5. You Ain't Never Had A Friend Like Us!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Temari's POV:**

We all met back at the lake I was at when they made me confess, and I was wondering what our plan was. I noticed that Tenten was silently fuming, Hinata was sharpening a stick(Gaara's in for a painful surprise), and Ino was wearing… boy's armor…

"I'm not even going to ask", I sated as I sat on a nearby rock. "So, what's the plan of action?"

"Well, I'm going to work on getting you guys better acquainted, so I'm having a sleepover this weekend."

"But won't he think it's a bit odd that he's the only boy there?"

"Nope, because we're inviting everyone! We just have to pass out the invites. Okay, I want Temari to give Shikamaru, Sasuke, and Chouji theirs, Tenten gives Kankuro, Lee, and Neji theirs, and Hinata gives Panda (Gaara), Shino, Kiba, Sakura, and Naruto theirs. Any questions?"

"WHY DO I HAVE TO GIVE AN INVITATION TO HER BROTHER?!", Tenten screamed.

"'Cause I said so", she said. She does know that we gave up on the matchmaking thing?

"What are you going to do?", Hinata asked.

"Simple", she said. "Absolutely nothing."

"Hey Tenten, that reminds me, why did Kankuro come home with kunai in his back and a sword in his side?", I asked.

"Cause he's a perverted bastard!"

**Temari:**

Okay, first stop is Chouji since he's the friendliest. Reactions:

**Chouji: Okay, I'd love to go.**

**Temari: Great (That was easy)**

Next, Uchiha. Reactions:

**Temari: *Walks in on Sasuke singing 'Wanna Be'* OH GOD! HERE, JUST TAKE THE FREAKING INVITATION!**

**Sasuke: *Takes Invite***

Okay, no big deal! I just have to give him the invitation.

**Shikamaru: Troublesome**

**Temari: You're lucky she even invited you. (Why do I like him again?)**

**Shikamaru: Oh yeah, well- Zzzz…**

**Temari: *Blushes* Okay, I'm just sticking the thing in his hair and laughing when he wakes up.**

Whew, that was easy!

**Hinata:**

Okay! I have gotten over the whole Naruto Sakura thing, so I'm giving them theirs first!

**Hinata: *Walks in on a make out session* Oh god… my eyes…**

**Sakura: Naruto… I think we have company**

**Naruto: …Dattebayo!**

**Hinata: OH GOD, TAKE THE BLOODY FUCKING LETTER AND SPARE MY VIRGING EYES!!!**

Shino and Kiba are sparring, so they should be easy to find.

**Kiba: SHINO, YOU BITCH! DOGS ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN BUGS!**

**Shino: *Twitches* Bugs are intelligent creatures with highly perfected chakra control.**

**Kiba: Dude, do you even understand half of your vocabulary?**

**Shino: …no**

**Kiba: Hey Hinata! What'cha got there? *Points to invitations***

**Hinata: You guys are invited to Ino's sleepover *Hands over Invitation***

Okay! Next is panda stalker!

**Gaara: *Meditating***

**Hinata: *Grabs newly sharpened stick* Heh-heh-heh… POKE!**

**Gaara: OH GOD, WHY DIDN'T THE FUCKING SAND HELP?!**

**Hinata: Because the author is an idiot who didn't think of that.**

**Gaara: Do you want me to hug you again?**

**Hinata: *Drops invitation in front of Gaara and gets the hell out of there***

**Tenten:**

Okay, first up is Lee.

**Lee: Hello youthful Tenten, how are you and youthful Kankuro?**

**Tenten: Me, well I'm fine. Kankuro… I think I sent him to the hospital or something.**

**Lee: Oh, well what is it you wanted to youthfully ask me?**

**Tenten: Lee, stop with the youth crap. And you're invited to Ino's sleepover.**

Okay, next is Neji…

**Neji: Oh, hey Tenten.**

**Tenten: Hey Neji.**

**Neji: …destiny!**

**Tenten: What the hell?**

**Neji: I had to get that in the conversation.**

**Tenten: Well, you're invited to the sleepover… thrown by Ino.**

Next is Kankuro-bastard.

**Kankuro: OH GOD! IF YOU'RE GOING TO IMAPLE ME WITH A PIECE OF PAPER—**

**Tenten: IT'S A BLOODY FUCKING INVITATION, BITCH!**

Yays… all done!

**Temari's POV:**

We all met back at the lake an hour later.

"Thank you guys so much!", I said.

"No problem", Ino said with an evil glint.

_*Gaara, Neji, and Chouji with insturments*_

_Tenten: Well Tsunade had them forty ninjas, Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales_

_Ino: But sister you in luck 'cause up your sleeves, You got a brand of magic never fails_

_Hinata: You got some power in your corner now, Some heavy ammunition in your camp_

_Tenten: You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how, See all you gotta do is rub that lamp  
And I'll say_

Ino: Mistress Temari, ma'am, What will your pleasure be?

_Hinata: Let me take your order, Jot it down_

_Tenten: You ain't never had a friend like me, No no no_

_Ino: Life is your restaurant, And I'm your maitre d'_

_Hinata: C'mon whisper what it is you want, You ain't never had a friend like me_

Tenten: Yes ma'am, we pride ourselves on service, You're the boss

_Ino: The queen, the shah, Say what you wish_

_Hinata: It's yours! True dish, How about a little more Baklava?_

Tenten: Have some of column "A", Try all of column "B"

_Ino: I'm in the mood to help you dude, You ain't never had a friend like me_

Hinata: Can your friends do this (Does Byakugan)? Do your friends do that(Does Gentle fist)?

_Tenten: Do your friends pull this out their little hat( Pulls out Weapons scroll)? Can your friends go, poof?_

_Ino: Well, looky here, Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip_

_Hinata: And then make the sucker disappear?_

Tenten: So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed, I'm here to answer all your midday prayers

_Ino: You got me bona fide, certified, You got a kunoichi for your chare d'affaires_

_  
Hinata: I got a powerful urge to help you out, So what-cha wish? I really wanna know_

_Tenten: You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt_

_Ino: Well, all you gotta do is rub like so - and oh_

Hinata: Mistress Temari, ma'am, have a wish or two or three

_Tenten: I'm on the job, you big nabob_

_Ino: You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend_

_Hinata: You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend_

_Tenten: You ain't never had a friend like me_

_Ino: You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!_

"Damn, just when I thought we wouldn't have to go through a song!"

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**Okay, song done in this chapter "A Friend Like Me" from Alladin.**

**-Please Review-**


	6. Open to suggestions!

***Sigh* Major writer's block! I can't think of anything and I'm a little depressed that I used to be an A's and B's student, but got two D's. On the bright side, summer break (Well, where I live at anyways) is only in 9 weeks! Well, I'm open to suggestions for what will happen in the next chapter. Please suggest, otherwise I have no clue what to do with this story.**

**-Fandidot**


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